A roller coaster of emotions. This isn’t a new experience for me, but one that’s becoming an every-day, every-week norm. I swing from moments of real hope and sweetness to moments of real hate and sourness. This roller coaster can motivate resistance, and it can send me back into the cave to confront both personal and collective shadows. Here’s what these swings look like. In the past few days, I’ve witnessed the acquittal of the Minnesota officer who killed Philando ... Read more ...
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Appreciating Rahawa Haile’s “Going It Alone” for the Hiking-Justice Connection
As someone interested in and impacted by the outdoors, hiking, human connection, harmful historical legacies, and ever-present white supremacy, I absolutely love and highly recommend Rahawa Haile’s article “Going It Alone”: Haile shares her experience through-hiking the Appalachian Trail as a queer black woman. Here are a few of my favorite lines: In trying to figure out why this piece so deeply speaks to me, I realize how much I crave stories of hiking ... Read more ...
Disrupting the Mind-Body Split
This past week I dreamed that I was standing before a group of students, guest-lecturing in a colleague’s class. In the dream, I was slurring and stumbling over words—making little to no sense. The colleague asked if I was confused, and I realized that I had a concussion. Not from any physical injury, but from the semester. The semester had given me a concussion! I woke with a strong sense that the dream was symbolically true, metaphorically speaking to me. Because, ... Read more ...
Wrestling with Whether to Wear Pantyhose
I’m attending a friend’s wedding this weekend, and I wish I could say that I’m experiencing the joy, gratitude, and love associated with celebration. Instead, I’ve been experiencing worry, shame, anger, and grief—so many unresolved emotions and resurfacing memories associated with the trauma of sexism. I’m wrestling with a very real and raw question: Do I wear pantyhose to my friend’s wedding? I’m wrestling with the pit in my stomach that relates not just to ... Read more ...
Potato & Kale Casserole (vegan + gluten-free): Finding Comfort in the Growth Zone
These days I’m experiencing a lot of stress, finding myself quick to cry, and noticing both tightness in my chest and shallowness of my breath. Undoubtedly, this stress is both personal and political, particular to me and shared in our collective. Conversations throughout the day address concerns about the Muslim ban and travel restrictions, ongoing deportations and abuses of power, challenges to health care, an unwillingness to look for missing black and brown girls, ... Read more ...
Countering the Lie of “I’m Not Enough”
I like following the blog Raising Race Conscious Children because it helps me relate with the young people in my life, including my own inner child (my younger self). Among the blog’s resources are examples of scripted conversations and sample statements that align with racial justice. Such language helps me think about the language I use with myself, including language that reinforces an old lie: “I’m not enough.” I’ve been thinking about this message—“I’m not ... Read more ...
Living in Mess
This week I overfilled my hot cocoa, knocked the mug, and spilled sticky-sweet almond milk on the kitchen counter. Before thinking, I was already saying aloud: “Ahhhh, Bethhhh …” I could hear a parent scolding a child, over-reacting about spilled milk. And I was shaken—stopped in my tracks—because I would not like to respond in such a way to any person, let alone myself. Spilled cocoa. Sticky surfaces. Mess. Mess characterizes life, and I like to think that I’m ... Read more ...
Banana, Chocolate, and Peanut-Butter Mash: Changing My Relationship with Sugar and Rethinking Self-Care
The Recipe Ingredients: 1 banana mashed 1 tablespoon of raw cacao or unsweetened cocoa 1 heaping tablespoon of peanut butter Process: Mash the banana; then mix in the cacao and peanut butter (or other nut butter). Enjoy for breakfast, snack, or whenever a boost is needed throughout the day. Rationales: This recipe has just three straight-up ingredients: ground peanuts, cacao/cocoa, and banana. Unlike many sweets, this one is exactly as described (no ... Read more ...
Gentle Yoga Practice for Healing
In the past week, I’ve experienced some new/renewed lower back pain. And the pain has brought me back to my yoga mat and specifically to this gentle yoga practice: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKVunWMHNm8 I appreciate this video for the s-l-o-w movement, the focus on breath, and the ways my body responds. With each day’s practice, I’m feeling a little less pain, a little more openness, and a little more myself. This practice also invites a quietness for me, allowing ... Read more ...
Welcoming Winter by Looking Within
I haven’t always loved caves. I remember years of summer camp when I was so afraid of entering “the bat cave” that I worried about this outing for days ahead of time and even sat out a year or two. Yet, growing up in Tennessee and spending summers in Kentucky (the land of limestone, sink holes, and caverns), I learned to love—truly enjoy, crave, and seek time visiting—caves. Today, when I ask myself why I love caves, I realize that entering the earth feels like ... Read more ...
