• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Heart - Head - Hands logo

  • About
    • Beth Godbee
    • Commitments
    • Offerings
    • Publications
  • Blog
    • Contemplative Practices
    • Emotional Literacies
    • Everyday Feminism
    • Higher Education
    • Interviews
    • Racial Justice
    • Recipes
    • Why Vegan?
  • Coaching
  • Register
  • Subscribe
  • Contact
  • Navigation Menu: Social Icons

    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • LinkedIn
    • Twitter

Banana, Chocolate, and Peanut-Butter Mash: Changing My Relationship with Sugar and Rethinking Self-Care

Filed Under: Everyday Feminism, Recipes By Beth Godbee January 18, 2017 Leave a Comment

My breakfast of banana, chocolate, and peanut butter mash.

The Recipe

Ingredients:

  • 1 banana mashed
  • 1 tablespoon of raw cacao or unsweetened cocoa
  • 1 heaping tablespoon of peanut butter

Process:

  • Mash the banana; then mix in the cacao and peanut butter (or other nut butter).
  • Enjoy for breakfast, snack, or whenever a boost is needed throughout the day.

Rationales:

  • This recipe has just three straight-up ingredients: ground peanuts, cacao/cocoa, and banana. Unlike many sweets, this one is exactly as described (no hidden sugar or artificial ingredients).
  • It’s full of iron, potassium, and other anti-inflammatory and mood-boosting vitamins and minerals that I often crave, especially whenever feeling low.
  • It allows me to feel that I’ve had a “sweet” without eating sugar, and the protein keeps me feeling full for a few hours after eating.
  • This snack helps with my ongoing struggle with sugar addiction. I now notice when I’m craving sugar and ask myself to reflect on “why?” while still enjoying this sweet.
2016-11-29-08-55-08
2016-11-29-08-53-20
2016-12-29-08-27-49

Changing My Relationship with Sugar

SUGAR! Sugar. sugar …

Growing up, I loved Sesame Street’s Cookie Monster and identified with this character whose key personality trait was an endless appetite for sugar. Like Cookie Monster, I could easily down more than a handful of cookies (or other sweets) and would readily binge-eat.

Growing up, sugar of various sorts (cookies, ice cream, cake) became associated with holidays, seasons, and special events. I’ve found myself eating sugar to recreate feelings associated with these memories—feelings tied to a sense that “everything is ok.”

Growing up, sugar became my addiction of choice (especially as I don’t drink alcohol or coffee), and I’ve found that it’s taken a toll on my body. Now when I over-eat sugar, I often get sick and end up with derailed plans. It’s like sugar has become a coach taking me out of the game when I don’t recognize or act on my desire/need to cut back.

I’m still very much in the middle of figuring out my relationship with sugar and how I use it to harm (rather than heal) myself. Yet, these memories of “growing up” give me important clues into this troubled relationship—a relationship I want to better understand and to change so that I can fully show up in everyday and ongoing work for justice.

I’m noticing that I use sugar at different times to purge or hold onto, to comfort or disrupt, to numb or feel, to decompress or energize, to forget or remember …  Sometimes I use sugar to “fill me up,” as though feeling full and sweetly satisfied will take the edge off vulnerability. Other times I use sugar to punctuate (like a period at the end of the sentence)—to mark the end of an interaction, encounter, or period of time. Still other times, I find sugar sweetening (like softening) what’s hard about getting through the day.

The more I become aware of these patterns with sugar, the more I find myself asking: Why am I using sugar in these ways? What emotions underlie and lead to these habits? How might I heal what’s unresolved in my relationship to sugar—and to what it’s representing in my life?

Changing My Relationship with Sugar as an Act of Self-Care?

I understand changing my relationship with sugar (and I’m still far away from an actual changed relationship) as an act of self-care linked with self-love. And self-love linked with love for others. And love linked with justice.

That said, I’ve really struggled to write about self-care, because it’s so often watered down, meaning everything and nothing at once. It’s also really problematic when used to shame (e.g., fat-shame or body-shame). And because talk about food or movement is wrapped up with embodied experience, histories of body-shaming always linger around the discussion. Additionally, self-care (like pretty much everything else) is racialized so that a quick Internet search shows images of white women meditating or smiling, alongside images of outdoor and spa-like spaces. Even the images that just convey mantras (e.g., “keep calm and practice self-care”) invoke histories and contexts wound up with whiteness (in this case, motivational posters used in Great Britain during World War II).

So, self-care is nothing, if not tricky, and yet it’s absolutely essential to building resilience and resistance, particularly when under attack. As Audre Lorde wrote, when speaking from her positionality as a “black, lesbian, mother, warrior, poet”: “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”

Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare. - Audre Lorde

Lorde’s quote is so widely cited, so ubiquitous that it has deeply shaped how I understand self-care, even as I’m differently positioned as a white, heterosexual woman. Lorde names the importance of self-care as both an individual and collective, personal and political act. By naming self-care an “act,” Lorde ties it explicitly to activism.

Other feminists and womanists of color also name self-care as a “radical act—especially for black women,” noting the link between caring for and valuing one’s self (see the interview Evette Dionne). Similarly, Adrienne Maree Brown names the importance of “self-determined care,” which generates abundance for both self-determination and community-determination, naming the importance and interconnectedness of both types of care.

In reconsidering Lorde’s powerful quote, “feminist killjoy” Sarah Ahmed explains that self-care is an act of “warfare” because some bodies are always already under attack. To care for these bodies is to say that they matter. To quote Ahmed at length:

“Self-care: that can be an act of political warfare. In directing our care towards ourselves we are redirecting care away from its proper objects, we are not caring for those we are supposed to care for; we are not caring for the bodies deemed worth caring about. And that is why in queer, feminist and anti-racist work self-care is about the creation of community, fragile communities, assembled out of the experiences of being shattered. We reassemble ourselves through the ordinary, everyday and often painstaking work of looking after ourselves; looking after each other. This is why when we have to insist, I matter, we matter, we are transforming what matters. Women’s lives matter; black lives matter; queer lives matter; disabled lives matter; trans lives matter; the poor; the elderly; the incarcerated, matter.”

So, self-care signals mattering. Through self-care, we not only express our value or worth to ourselves, but we also invest in reassembling ourselves and our activist communities. In this way, self-care is related to “caretaking the collective” (part of community organizing) and other movement-building work that invests in relations, resources, and resiliency. It also invites attention to positionality and investment in making sure that every person has access to the time-space for self-care.

Certainly, self-care is differently experienced and differently needed because our positionality and attacks on bodies differ. Rather than flattening self-care, we can do more to think about inequities. Think, for example, about how leisure time, disposable income, and many other factors amplify both privilege and access to self-care. Think about how women, people of color, queer folks, and others are bombarded by everyday microaggressions, experiencing a greater need of self-care. Thinking along these lines, it becomes apparent that there’s a mismatch between access to and need for self-care—and this mismatch signals compounding oppressions (along the lines of double or triple jeopardy).

To address these inequities, we all need self-care, especially to build self-worth. And self-worth is needed in order to stop playing small. Self-worth is needed to stand TALL, to stand up for what’s right and what matters.

Practicing Self-Care as Engaged Refueling, Reassembling, and Resisting

The most powerful ideas I’ve encountered around self-care have come from feminists and womanists of color—like Lorde, Dionne, Brown, and Ahmed. I see that their understandings of self-care invest in bringing about a more just world. They also articulate a life-giving version of self-care, one that feels very different (and more consequential) than dropping in (and dropping out) of spas, yoga classes, or meditation retreats. Here I’m thinking about how dropping-in and dropping-out (and images of self-care associated with whiteness and white women) also invite dropping-in/dropping-out of one’s alignment with purpose, attunement with the body, and attention to emotional intelligence.

In fact, as I work to understand self-care and its importance, I realize that many of the ideas I’ve inherited around self-care actually run counter to refueling, reassembling, or resisting. Think of an image like curling up on the couch to binge-watch TV, while also binge-eating chocolate … Or of winding down the week through “happy hour” or other activities associated with alcohol … Or of over-working many weeks in a row followed by total collapse (characteristic of hectic semesters and long-desired breaks). So many images of “unwinding” or “winding down” are associated with binging (of one kind or another) and replace the goal of care with goals like immediate release, mindless retreat, or much-needed recovery. Self-care easily crosses into self-sabotage. Instead of being refueled, we can become further depleted.

Certainly, my relationship with sugar has been more about self-sabotage than self-care. So often, the short-term boost I get from sugar is replaced by long-term regret, guilt, shame, and other negative emotions. So often, the time spend eating sugar in front of the TV leaves me still feeling drained, still in need of refueling. So often, I end up questioning my own worth (a condition linked to all sorts of negative reactions, including white fragility and entitlement), instead of validating that I matter.

So, in changing my relationship with sugar, I’m working to understand self-care as truly showing myself that I’m of worth and, therefore, worthy to speak and act up. How might I invest in loving myself better? How might I listen to what my body’s really asking for, whether that be reflective silence, more engaged time with others, or something else? How might I learn more about the emotions or memories that sugar cravings are triggering? How might I befriend sugar?

In talking about and rethinking my relationship with sugar, I’m consciously engaged in loving myself and, in loving myself, opening myself to vulnerability, accountability, and responsibility to act. Self-care isn’t an out or a way to remove one’s self from the everyday life and activism; rather, it’s needed to fuel showing up with love within activist spaces.

These days, when I feel that I’m really gearing up for what’s to come, I need a version of self-care that lights self-love. May this simple recipe of banana, chocolate, and peanut-butter mash be one that energizes the work ahead.

—
This post is written by Beth Godbee for Heart-Head-Hands.com. For more posts like this one, you might explore other vegan + gluten-free recipes or the series of posts answering “why vegan?” Please also consider liking this blog on FB and following the blog via email. Thanks!

Share this:

  • Print
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest
  • Pocket

Tagged with: #52essays2017, activism, embodiment, emotional literacies, gluten-free, healing, intersectionality, learning, love, meditation, racial justice, refined sugar-free, self-care, shadow, social justice, soy-free, vegan, whiteness

Support the Work

subscribe to posts:

Previous Post: « Re-Reading Sherman Alexie’s The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian
Next Post: Mucking around in the Mess of Inauguration Day »

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

About This Site

Embodied knowledge matters. So do commitments. And especially acting on commitments as part of everyday life, BIG and small. This website—a mix of blog posts and research writing, courses and offerings—shares ongoing efforts toward everyday living (feeling, thinking, and doing) for justice.

Subscribe via Patreon

This button from Patreon says “Become a Patron” in white font against a bright orange background.

Subscribe to Newsletter

courses, webinars, and writing groups

This e-course announcement shows a yellow sunflower and blue sky. It includes a textbox with the following information: “E-COURSE AVAILABLE NOW! Career Discernment for Academics: Aligning Career with Commitments. Self-paced study, exercises, coaching, and more ...”

This ad reads: “Time to write! Writing Retreats. Learn more @ Heart-Head-Hands.com.” A white coffee mug and table appear in the foreground, with golden chairs and walls in the background.

This image shows writing tools (phone, keyboard, journal, pencil, and pen) along with the event information: “Online Writing Groups. Tuesday and Friday mornings 10am EST | 9am CST | 8am MST | 7am PST. Come Write Together: Heart-Head-Hands.com.”

This image shows a scene of wrapped packages, a pine cone, and evergreen branches. A white text box shares the circular logo for Heart-Head-Hands: Everyday Living for Justice, and another text box reads: “gift cards available.”

Categories

  • Contemplative Practices (60)
  • Emotional Literacies (82)
  • Everyday Feminism (102)
  • Higher Education (50)
  • Interviews (9)
  • Racial Justice (61)
  • Recipes (22)
  • Why Vegan? (12)

Footer

bethgodbee

Today's newsletter "Welcome spring, poetry prompts Today's newsletter "Welcome spring, poetry prompts, and reading recommendations" begins with the following wishes: 

"Welcome spring!

It's time to reawaken.
To stretch with longer days.
To regenerate after the stagnation of winter.
To plant seeds and intentions and to tend to those we're planting.
To experience renewal with wonder, play, curiosity, and laughter.
To revive our senses and grow with the growing light.
To bloom. To blossom. To become.
To compost. To create. To cultivate."

Read more here: https://mailchi.mp/6de7a1751064/mar-2023

#spring #springrefresh #springreflections #springwishes
Thanks @inspirationalsoulqueen for all that goes i Thanks @inspirationalsoulqueen for all that goes into this deep work of recognition, of holding space, of strengthening community. 🧡

#Repost @inspirationalsoulqueen with @use.repost
・・・
Register now! 2023 Hiphop Literacies Conference & Concert honoring LGBTQ+ contributions to hiphop and social equity. March 30-31, free, virtual and in-person. The conference that puts educators, scholars, artists, youth and the community in dialogue. Concert features 🔥headlining artist @SaucySantana. go.osu.edu/hhlc #BlackQueerandTransFeminismsAndLivesMatter. #OSUHiphop #HiphopIs50
Welcome spring! IMAGES: -- First two photos show Welcome spring! 

IMAGES:
-- First two photos show cherry blossoms here in DC.
-- Third photo shows the wider scene of me standing in a construction zone. My arms are reaching up and snapping photos with my phone. I'm wearing layers of jackets, black pants, and a black hat. ~ This tree is flourishing in the midst of it all! <3

#cherryblossoms #spring
New blog post today: "Reflective Poetry Prompts fr New blog post today: "Reflective Poetry Prompts from Writing Retreats: A Contemplative Writing Practice" 
 
This post shares a few reflective poetry prompts (along with my poetic answers) from recent one-day writing retreats: https://heart-head-hands.com/reflective-poetry-prompts/ --> link in bio.
 
May these prompts support reflection about the writing process, our identities as writers, and gratitude for all that writing teaches. <3
 
[This image shares information about writing retreats—where these poetry prompts have emerged—in 12 colorful blocks framed by leaves and flowers. The text reads: Writing retreats. One-day retreats: 6 dates open. 10am-4:30pm ET. Join via Zoom. Guided meditations. Lots of writing time. Optional 1:1 coaching. Reflective prompts. Group check-ins. Writing community. Available for groups, too. Sliding-scale fees. Facilitator Beth Godbee, Ph.D. Heart-Head-Hands.com.”]

#writing #writers #writingcommunity #writingretreat #writinggroup #writingretreats #coaching #writingcoach #writingprompts #journaling #journalprompts #poetry #poetryprompts #reflectivepractice #reflection #reflectivewriting #contemplativewriting #contemplation #contemplativepractice #writersofinstagram #writinginspiration
The next writing retreat is this Monday, March 6th The next writing retreat is this Monday, March 6th. There’s still time to join: https://heart-head-hands.com/product/writing-retreats/ 

Link in bio.
 
Thanks to Rachel Bloom-Pojar for this description of the retreat experience. :-) — @rachel_bp5 
 
[IMAGE: On the left side (against a beige background), the image reads: “Testimonial: ‘As with any space Beth helps create, these retreats center our humanity and ground us to recognize a variety of activities (i.e., reading, journaling, going for a walk) as important contributors to our writing goals and care for ourselves as writers.’ —Rachel Bloom-Pojar, retreat participant.” On the right side (against a gray background), the image reads: “Writing Retreats / Next = March 6th 10am-4:30pm ET / Heart-Head-Hands.com” and shows a workspace with a computer in the foreground and light streaming into a room filled with cushions and plants.]

#writing #writinginspiration #writingcommunity #writer #writersofinstagram #WritingResources #WritingSupport #WritingLife #WritingCenterLife #WritingTime #TimeToWrite #writinggoals #writersblock #writingmotivation #writerscommunity #writers #WritingCoach #WritingRetreat #OnlineRetreat
Load More... Follow on Instagram

About Beth Godbee

I'm an educator and former writing studies professor who believes our fully embodied selves matter in the world. We can’t just think our way out of the incredible injustices, dehumanization, violence, and wrongdoing that characterize everyday life. We must feel and act, too. [Pronouns: she/her.] Read more ...

This image shows books alongside the words: courses, coaching, consulting. learning + unlearning.

Copyright © 2023