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Loving to Read Again

Filed Under: Contemplative Practices, Higher Education By Beth Godbee October 4, 2018 5 Comments

During graduate school, there were many weeks of being so overloaded by assigned reading that I couldn’t do it all and felt constantly behind. I recognized that the goal was to learn to skim and to put my hands on more and more research, even if I couldn’t savor many pieces. The trouble was that the more I couldn’t savor what I was reading, the more I associated reading itself with feelings of being overwhelmed and behind.

When I shared with a mentor how stressful reading had become, she smiled knowingly and related her own experience of knowing that there will always be more to read than time to read it. More than her sympathy, though, I remember what she shared about choosing to read for inspiration:

“Yes, I read for my research (to answer burning questions), but I also read for inspiration (to keep the questions alive). Be sure that you’re reading what inspires you, what fires you up.”

I’ve been thinking about this advice to read for inspiration—for what fires me up—as I work to counter resistance fatigue by keeping fires alight (neither burning up nor simmering out).

For too long (in my faculty position), I read primarily for work: for courses I was teaching, for articles I was submitting, and for committees I was serving. I could feel the excitement when reading an article or book that really spoke to me, and increasingly, I read blog posts and sought out podcasts as sources of inspiration. Still, I wanted to prioritize “reading for fun,” especially books that could light my imagination and help me imagine more just worlds, more equitable relations.

Now that I’m creating new habits and work priorities, I’m reading again. I’m reading for research, for fun, and especially for inspiration. I’m reading books and audiobooks as well as continuing to learn from blogs, podcasts, essays, and articles. Now, instead of stress, I’m experiencing joy that there will always be more to read.

I’m certainly not the quickest reader, nor is that my goal.
I’m certainly not the most focused or studious or careful reader, nor are those my goals.

Instead, I’m reading to learn and love and light up with inspiration.
I’m choosing to read—a little each week—and it’s adding up to reading new books.

What I read this past month:

  • Citizen: An American Lyric by Claudia Rankine (2014, Graywolf Press)
  • Hunger: A Memoir of My Body by Roxane Gay (2017, Harper)
  • Long Way Down by Jason Reynolds (2017, Atheneum/Caitlyn Dlouhy Books)
  • Running Down a Dream: Your Road Map to Winning Creative Battles by Tim Grahl (2018, Black Irish Books)
  • A Wreath for Emmett Till by Marilyn Nelson (2009, HMH Books for Young Readers)

And a dozen or so picture books, as I pick up a few with each library visit.

Book cover for Citizen: An American Lyric by Claudia Rankine (2014, Graywolf Press).
Book cover for Hunger: A Memoir of My Body by Roxane Gay (2017, Harper).
Book cover for Long Way Down by Jason Reynolds (2017, Atheneum/Caitlyn Dlouhy Books).
Book cover for Running Down a Dream: Your Road Map to Winning Creative Battles by Tim Grahl (2018, Black Irish Books).
Book cover for A Wreath for Emmett Till by Marilyn Nelson (2009, HMH Books for Young Readers).

What I’m reading now:

  • Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert (2016, Bloomsbury)
  • Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds by adrienne maree brown (2017, AK Press)
  • How to Write an Autobiographical Novel by Alexander Chee (2018, Mariner Books)
  • My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies by Resmaa Menakem (2017, Central Recovery Press)

And more picture books, because, truly, I’m all the ages I’ve ever been.

Book cover for Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert (2016, Bloomsbury).
Book cover for Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds by adrienne maree brown (2017, AK Press).
Book cover for How to Write an Autobiographical Novel by Alexander Chee (2018, Mariner Books).
Book cover for My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies by Resmaa Menakem (2017, Central Recovery Press).

In what’s been some tough days—from feeling beyond messy and upside down to grieving and raging at outright injustice—these books are helping me see beyond this moment and into movement space. They’re keeping me inspired for the long haul, toward building and sustaining momentum. They’re helping me tap into my embodied self and the histories, emotions, and trauma it carries, while imagining ways forward—pathways to healing.

I plan to keep reading, not because I have to but because I want to. I choose reading, and I choose it for the future.

—
This post is written by Beth Godbee for Heart-Head-Hands.com. For more posts like this one, you might try “Blogs I Love: Reading Suggestions for Women’s History Month,” “Refueling with Feminists and Womanists of Color,” and “Re-Reading Sherman Alexie’s The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian.” Please also consider liking this blog on FB and following the blog via email. Thanks!

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Tagged with: habits, hope, learning, racial justice, reading, resilience, resistance, self-care, social justice, storytelling, teaching

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. tiffanymarquisejones

    October 10, 2018 at 5:18 am

    I can’t wait to read for fun again … Sigh. I honestly feel like reading for my comps has trained me to read to ingest the nuggets at large rates (so tons of skimming!) as opposed to appreciate language and the journey of learning / imagining / pondering. I hope I don’t always stay in this mode. :-/

    Reply
    • Beth Godbee

      October 11, 2018 at 1:09 am

      Tiffany, I hear you. How I relate! And learning, imagining, and pondering take time — time for slowing down and savoring. I hope you enjoy reading along the route to writing your dissertation. May time expand for us both. 🙂

      Reply
  2. Vanessa R. Corcoran

    October 10, 2018 at 3:40 pm

    I enjoyed this post very much, and it looks like we have similar tastes (I’m also a fan of Elizabeth Gilbert and Roxane Gay). I also recently finished graduate school and it took a while to realize I could read for fun while doing my research. I wrote about my experience here: vanessarosecorcoran.wordpress.com/2018/09/02/yes-you-can-read-for-fun-in-grad-school/

    Reply
    • Beth Godbee

      October 11, 2018 at 1:06 am

      Vanessa, thanks for reaching out and sharing your blog post, too. I was a member of a “Not Just for Kids Book Club” all through grad school, and that kept me connected to reading for fun, though perhaps not enough and not into my faculty life. I’m glad to be reading again — and now to meet you online. I see that you’re in DC, so it would be great to meet in-person. Let’s connect off-line. All best, Beth

      Reply

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This fall, so much is being asked of us. There's a This fall, so much is being asked of us. There's a need to keep speaking and acting up (#FreePalestine), and there's a need to keep resting and pouring into our inner reservoirs. Writing retreats are aligned with both needs -- both to create work that speaks into being a more just world and to feel held within a supportive structure, like along a #nature trail.So, there's another #writing retreat this week -- Wednesday, Nov. 29th: https://heart-head-hands.com/product/writing-retreats/ ... And more open dates in December and early January. Toward acting up and holding space with and alongside you. <3✏️ link in bio ✏️
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Reaching a permanent ceasefire for Palestinians in Gaza, where Israel is committing genocide and ethnic cleansing, is critical. It’s also the bare minimum.Palestinians everywhere deserve freedom, just like anyone else. This includes the freedom to live safely on their own land, access to basic resources, and protection under the law.Link in bio to contact your representatives and demand a permanent ceasefire and freedom for Palestinians.
“as artists we must become courageous in telling “as artists we must become courageous in telling truth to power
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while we continue to strengthen our collective networks of care”#Repost @chiara.acu with @use.repost
・・・
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what kind of cultural practices do we need to usher in more just worlds?what cultural artifacts must we create?what narratives desperately need to be told?what stories should surface?and which are no longer acceptable?
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these are the questions on my mind,
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racial capitalism has had the upper hand in shaping our reality for centuries
after all, it was financially supporting the production and distribution of most cultural artifacts, from paintings to books to scholarship
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About Beth Godbee

I'm an educator and former writing studies professor who believes our fully embodied selves matter in the world. We can’t just think our way out of the incredible injustices, dehumanization, violence, and wrongdoing that characterize everyday life. We must feel and act, too. [Pronouns: she/her.] Read more ...

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